(Translated from a lecture at the N'shei u'Bnos Chabad Convention in Israel, 14-16 Menachem Av, 5741)

One of the main problems I have found in disseminating information regarding this subject, is that many women find it embarrassing to discuss these matters with others, even though they might have well-planned and convincing explanations to offer. For this reason, before I begin discussing methods of explaining the subject to other women, I will tell you three stories about things that happened to me personally. Each of these three stories served as a direct and specific directive to me about the importance of mivtzoim in general, and this mivtza of ours -- taharas hamishpacha -- in particular. I hope that just as these experiences had a tremendous effect on me personally, so will they have on you, and encourage you in your/our holy task.

The Impostor

The first story took place about seven years ago, when I was teaching in New York. Every day after work, I traveled home on the subway. Anyone who has traveled on the New York subway knows how unpleasant the journey is -- the cars are always filthy, you travel down black tunnels, and most of the passengers are not very sympathetic. My route home entailed traveling for about an hour through slummy neighborhoods. I and another teacher at the school, who was my usual traveling companion, felt different to everyone else in the train, and very alien. This doesn't sound so great? You're right!

One day, my colleague and traveling companion and I were sitting chatting, when suddenly a bizarre-looking person entered our car. He was huge and hefty, with long hair, a beard, and an earring in one of his ears, and he wore a long white robe. He looked as if he had just stepped out of the jungle. He placed himself firmly in the center of our car and announced in a loud voice, which even drowned out the sound of the train wheels, that he was collecting money for some poor orphans. (We wondered if he hadn't perhaps killed their parents). He asked everyone to contribute. With that, he marched from passenger to passenger with his hand outstretched. Not one passenger refused to give him a "donation." When he came to us, our hearts almost stopped. We were sure he was carrying a gun or a knife. I wanted to say Shema Yisroel. We gave the brute all the money we had in our possession, and when he finally left our car for the next one, we began breathing again. Simultaneously, my friend and I looked at each other, and we both felt that we should bentsh 'Hagomel'. I had felt a fear with an intensity that I have experienced very few times in my life. It was astounding that such a phony could force people to give him money with such an obvious lie.

Later on, when I had calmed down a bit, I began wondering what lesson in serving Hashem I was supposed to learn from this incident. Truth is, it wasn't too difficult to work out. I recalled how, on many occasions, I had thought of going on mivtzoim, or of convincing someone to do a mitzvah, and then suddenly I had drawn back, with a thousand fears, doubts and reasons not to do so: "She's probably in a hurry, it's not a good time to talk to her." "Look at her face. She doesn't look too sympathetic." "I'm so tired now. I don't have the strength to start talking."

Why do we suddenly find all these justifications? Because the matter is so important, and so vital to the Jewish people, that the yetzer hora uses all its power to implant doubts and excuses, so that the thing won't get done. However, that big ruffian didn't show any hesitation or doubt about what he was doing. Not one drop of shame, not a shadow of fear. He wanted money, and with absolute self-confidence he stood up and demanded it. I learn a kal v'chomer from this low-life. If he had no shame and no hesitation in demanding money with some flimsy excuse, how can we dare feel embarrassment when it comes to literally saving lives? When we have an opportunity to go out to our sisters and brothers, to bring them back to the Tree of Life, and give them the elixir of life, is there any justification for not doing so, simply because they do not understand how critical their condition is? Would a doctor refuse to treat a patient who doesn't realize how ill he is? The Rebbe explains that there is a type of crying that can be heard, and a type of crying that cannot be heard. On occasions, the cry is from so deep within, that the person herself is not even aware of its existence! But it is there.

People who do not yet observe Torah and mitzvos often ask, "Why does it bother you that we are not observant. What business is it of yours how I live my private life? Our life is private and personal, and even if it is not according to your way of doing things, it does not harm anyone else. Why do you have to mix in?" And so on.

The answer to these questions bursts forth from sichos of the Rebbe Shlita: If someone wants to jump off a bridge into the sea and commit suicide, we quickly call the police etc. in order to convince him that he shouldn't carry out his plan. We do everything we can to try to save his life. We may ask, why does it bother you, or the authorities? That person won't cause anyone harm, other than himself. This is his private life, and he chose freely to put an end to it. No crime will be committed by allowing him to proceed, and no one forced him to do what he wants to do. So why move heaven and earth to save him? And the answer is that an individual's life is the responsibility of the community as a whole! No one can treat it as hefker -- like an abandoned, ownerless object, not even the person whose life it is!

Every event has consequences and ramifications which affect the entire world. And for this reason, we cannot talk about, "my private life, which doesn't harm anybody else." If people live in a way which opposes G-d's instructions, not only are they damaged by it, but they also cause damage to the entire world! It is the responsibility of the community at large to explain this to them, in pleasant and peaceful ways, and to return them to the path of Torah and mitzvos. Taharas hamishpacha is a matter of life and death, literally. Once, the Rebbe said, "If only we could see and understand how much harm a woman causes herself by being lax in matters of taharas hamishpacha, we would not be able to keep quiet and be so apathetic about it. On the contrary, we would be shouting out loud, and taking active measures to do something!" If we saw a child drinking from a bottle of poison, would any normal, sane person think that it is forbidden to grab the bottle away, since it is interfering with the child's private life? Since we can see that the child is endangering his life out of innocence and lack of awareness of the consequences, the natural and immediate reaction must be to grab the bottle away from him. We must treat our subject in exactly the same way.

When we meet a woman who does not keep taharas hamishpacha, it is our obligation to explain to her that she is causing herself, her husband, her future children, and the entire Jewish people very severe damage. The Jewish people is, after all, one single unit, and if one woman is incomplete, the entire unit is incomplete. How is it possible not to respond to this, and be apathetic, when the heart of a Jew should be crying out in pain at the sight of one of our sisters destroying herself? A proper Jewish response must be an honest and sincere explanation (only that which comes from your heart will enter the other person's heart), in a pleasant and loving way, of the necessity of observing these laws. And we must use every means at our disposal.

The Rebbe once told a group of religious doctors and scientists, that now, with the latest medical and scientific developments, it is possible (and necessary) to prove "black-on-white" that a woman who observes taharas hamishpacha is healthier, and suffers far fewer serious diseases, as well as fewer minor infections and problems, than the community at large. Psychologists are able to show that the family unit where taharas hamishpacha is kept is more stable than one where it is not.

Now, there are those who may argue that the laws of Torah in general should be observed simply because G-d commanded them, and not for some ulterior motive like their own benefit, or that of their children, or husbands, etc., hence how can we tell women to keep these laws for the reasons just mentioned? To them we say, "From acting with ulterior motives, they will eventually come to act for the sake of Heaven" (Pesachim 50b). The aim at present is to get as many women as possible to observe taharas hamishpacha. Afterwards, she can rise to a higher level and begin to observe the laws with a sense of accepting the yoke of Heaven. The most important thing right now, however, is not her intentions, but that she observes these mitzvos.

In Greenwich Village

The second story also took place when I was still living in America, about six years ago. That was the era of the "mivtzoim tanks." Every Sunday, one of the "tanks" would go to Greenwich Village (a bohemian colony and center of entertainment in Manhattan, New York). This was a place where a large number of Jews either lived or visited. The "tank commanders," or tankistim as they are commonly known, stopped a Jewish-looking couple who must have been in their late thirties. When they asked the man if he would like to put on tefillin, he hesitated. But his wife said, "Why not? It would be a nice thing to do. You haven't put on tefillin since your bar-mitzvah!" "It will only take a couple of minutes," the Chabad tankist added. But the man replied that he didn't have the time, because they were in a rush to get to a movie which would be starting soon. That approach was not successful, so the disappointed tankist began looking around for another customer.

By hashgacha protis, some weeks later I got to hear about the end of that incident. It was the day before Yom Kippur, and my husband was busy with a mivtza. For some eight years, until we were married, my husband was a teacher for the "released time" program organized by Chabad. Once a week, Chabad yeshiva students give Jewish children in public schools a period of instruction in Yiddishkeit. Among the hundreds of students who learned in the program were the two daughters of -- let's call them Mr. and Mrs. Green. A short time before, the Rebbe Shlita had announced that every Jewish woman and girl should light Shabbos and Yom Tov candles. So my husband was busy on the phone, calling all the girls who had learned in the program, and whose telephone numbers he still kept, to find out if they lit candles yet, and if not, to urge them to do so. Eventually, the turn of Dorit and Ann Green came. Their mother answered the phone, and to my husband's query she replied, "No. They do not light Shabbos candles, and in general they have no contact with Judaism, although they remember your lessons fondly." My husband then asked her if she lit candles. "Interestingly, I began lighting candles only a few weeks ago," she answered. "It happened when we went to a movie in Greenwich Village one Sunday. A yeshiva student in one of your 'tanks' stopped us and asked my husband to put on tefillin. He refused, and it bothered me. All my life I have had an inclination toward Jewish things, and I tried to convince him to put on the tefillin. However, I was unsuccessful. Throughout the movie, I felt uneasy, and eventually this began to bother my husband. We decided that on the way back we would pass by the same spot, and he would set matters straight. My husband agreed to put on tefillin. Happily, we directed our steps to the spot where the tank was parked, but to our surprise the tank was no longer there, and neither was the yeshiva student. It was already evening (we didn't know then that you can only put on tefillin up until sunset) and the 'business' was already closed. The only sign that a tank had ever been there was that there were hundreds of pages of literature lying on the sidewalk, which people had discarded after reading. We felt empty. We had been preparing to do a mitzvah and now we had lost the opportunity. I bent down and picked up some of the pages. One of them was about lighting Shabbos candles, another was about mezuzah, and a third one was about kosher food. I took them home to read, and after doing so, I decided to start lighting Shabbos candles, to atone for my husband's missed chance to put on tefillin."

This incident taught me some valuable lessons. It is impossible to know which attempt to bring another Jew closer to Yiddishkeit is successful, and which attempt is unsuccessful. Although that tankist in Greenwich Village marked down the refusal of the husband to put on tefillin as a failed attempt, he did not know that this would cause a troubled conscience which made Mrs. Green start lighting Shabbos candles.

After Yom Kippur, I called Mrs. Green once again. I began learning with her once a week in my home, and eventually the Green family began keeping kosher, they changed all their mezuzos, and they began giving tzedakah on a regular basis. Mrs. Green decided to go to the mikveh. Since she had had a hysterectomy she only needed to go once, and this she did, doing all the necessary preparations etc. with great care. We still keep in contact, and thank G-d I can say that the Green family is much closer to Yiddishkeit than they were on that day in Greenwich Village.

This incident also taught me that "it is not your duty to complete the work," as our Sages say in Pirkei Avos (2:16). On mivtzoim, all of us have met Jews who refuse to do a mitzvah, or are simply too apathetic to do one. We generally feel a sense of despair and failure when this happens. Sometimes this even cools down our enthusiasm for going out on mivtzoim (which is most certainly a ploy of the yetzer hora). We have to know that "it is not your duty to complete the work." But at the same time, "Nor are you free to abandon it." (ibid.). It could be that Hashem plans things so that we encounter somebody's apathy and indifference, but after that person leaves us, he may regret his refusal and decide not to refuse if asked a second time. If someone else then asks him to do a mitzvah he will readily rectify his previous refusal. It is impossible to know what Hashem's plans are. When you bury a seed in the ground, it also does not sprout immediately. Only after a while are any results visible.

In conclusion, this story taught me not to despair, and not to jump to conclusions that a particular attempt had failed if it did not succeed immediately. This applies particularly to the mitzvah of taharas hamishpacha -- a woman needs time to think about our explanations and digest our "revolutionary" suggestions. Not always can she say immediately, "Yes. I will keep all this." But if she received the explanatory pamphlet without any signs of interest, it does not mean that she will not read it, or that she might not become interested later on. Being limited human creatures, we do not see the future, or hear a person's inner thoughts. And therefore, we must agree to go out on this mivtza again and again, because this is what the Rebbe wants. If G-d wants to find us worthy of immediate satisfaction by encountering a positive response, this is very good. But if not, we must not give up and abandon our work.

An Intriguing Story

The third incident took place a year ago, when I was in New York for the Chagim. A woman called one of the ladies who is in charge of the mivtza of taharas hamishpacha in New York. Since she was preoccupied with preparations for the coming Chagim, whereas I was less busy, she asked me to take care of the woman who had called. I called her and heard the following, intriguing story:

The woman had been brought up in a non-religious family. She had married about a year ago, and despite her family's lack of religious observance, her mother made her promise that she would go to the mikveh, for she, the mother, had also done so before her wedding. The daughter promised her mother that she would do so, but she did not take her husband's opposition into account. The latter was a physicist from a very goyishe city in England. Before the wedding, he had bought her many expensive gifts, and she never imagined that he would say no to her. But after the wedding, when she wanted to go to the mikveh, fix mezuzos to the door-posts, not cook on Shabbos, etc., he adamantly refused to let her. She was very disappointed, but she tried slowly to influence him and had some measure of success. However, regarding taharas hamishpacha she felt that she did not have enough information to sound convincing. All this time, she prayed that Hashem would send her some solution to her problem, and she would ultimately succeed in going to the mikveh.

The woman worked in Manhattan, in an office under the auspices of the State of Israel. Most of her colleagues at work were Israelis, and so, naturally, Chabad yeshiva students regularly visited the office to distribute literature from the Rebbe, candlesticks, mishloach monos etc. Over the phone, she told me that the Chabadnikim who visited her office were generally young Israelis, around seventeen years old, and they were extremely shy. They would generally distribute the literature to everyone without speaking much. She felt that they were a little afraid of her, but she was convinced that they had no idea how grateful she was to them for every pamphlet they gave her, because they always fled immediately after giving her any pamphlets.

One day, in addition to giving her a pamphlet about Rosh Hashanah, they also left her a pamphlet regarding taharas hamishpacha. Since this was a delicate subject, they did not speak to her about it at all. But, she told me, the moment she began reading the pamphlet, and noticed that there were two telephone numbers for additional information, she called. We spoke for a long time. During my stay in New York, she went to the mikveh for the first time. She told me that it was a delightful experience. Some months later she was in Israel, and visited me in Kfar Chabad.

My intention in telling this story is, again, that one can never judge people. The woman repeated a number of times that she knew that those young fellows were totally unaware of the importance of that pamphlet to her. It had given her direction and a telephone number. It was clearly Heaven-sent. She had wanted to thank them, but they were so shy that she never had the opportunity.

Every pamphlet that we distribute, every connection we make -- we can never know how important it might be to someone. It is not our job to make judgments based on a person's initial reaction, the expression on his face, the tone of his words, etc. We simply have to do, and G-d will help us.

Ways of Explaining Taharas Hamishpacha

Now to the essence of our subject -- ways of explaining taharas hamishpacha. There is a lot of printed literature which has been produced in this country on the subject. However, because time is limited, I would like to dwell on only a few ideas which I have learned in the last few years, and which have thrown a lot of light on the subject for me.

One of the problems we face when explaining the laws of mikveh and preparations for tevilah -- immersion in the mikveh, are that many women have preconceived notions that the mikveh is a disgusting thing, that the entire subject is primitive, foolish, only symbolic, superfluous in our day and age, etc. It is extremely difficult to uproot these beliefs while standing on one leg, so to speak. Therefore, instead of being on the defensive, and trying to prove that it is logical, necessary etc., I have started off from a different angle -- with a general, but fairly comprehensive explanation of the concepts of tahara and tumah, spiritual (or ritual) purity and impurity. In my experience, this has generally been accepted positively.

To explain what tumah and tahara are is not easy, since they are essentially abstract concepts. Nevertheless, it is important to establish right away that they have no connection with cleanliness and hygiene (one of the common misconceptions), but rather that they are states or conditions. In a state of purity one may conduct oneself in such and such a way, whereas in a state of impurity one conducts oneself in a different way. When a person is impure, this is no sin, nor is it a curse, a misfortune, a punishment, a shameful thing, etc. It is merely that when one is in the state of impurity, certain things are forbidden. Since many women cannot bear the idea that they may become tameh every month, I first explain that today all of us, men and women, are in a state of spiritual impurity through contact with the dead, and nevertheless, no one feels any the worse for it. Another example: Every girl, before her wedding day, is also in a state of tumas niddah, and nevertheless, no label of defilement or shame is attached to her. For a married woman, the state of tumah is a result of her womb opening up and/or a release of blood from the womb. I then tell her that until she takes the proper steps to place herself in a state of purity, she is forbidden to her husband, but other than this, there is no further significance to her state of impurity, not regarding her personality, her status among her friends, etc. Here it is important to explain that many customs which are particularly widespread among Jews of eastern origin (Sephardim), are relics of a previous era and have no halachic significance today at all. A single girl who has not accepted these customs as yet is not bound to observe them when she gets married, and a married woman who has already begun keeping these customs should consult a Rav, if she wants to stop keeping them. I am referring to specific customs which tend to cause a woman feelings of degradation, since they emphasize her state of niddah to members of her family. (This contradicts the spirit of halachah, which treats this subject as a very private and confidential matter, known only to the woman and her husband). Some of these customs are even based on simple mistakes, and should be ignored completely, for example -- many Sephardi women don't light Shabbos candles when they are in niddah!

But, to return to our theme. One of the threads that is common to all the different factors which bring about tumah is the aspect of death, or lack of life. For example: A corpse is a 'powerful' source of tumah. So is a visit to a cemetery, touching the coffin of the deceased, etc. Similarly, leprosy is a source of tumah being that it is a disease which eventually may cause a limb to die and drop off. Here too, we see the connection with death. In a woman's monthly cycle we also see, in microcosm, the idea of death. The egg which is produced every month is a potential human being. If it is fertilized, it will become a fetus, and if not, it is discharged from the body. This simple biological fact, the death of an egg, which results in tumas niddah is obviously not a curse, nor a punishment, nor a proof that a woman is a secondary citizen. It is important for a woman to know that tumah is not connected only with her, but with a man as well, through contact with the dead, etc.

When the Beis HaMikdash existed there were many more states of tumah. Today there are far fewer, simply because we no longer have the Beis HaMikdash. But tumas niddah continues to exist because its opposite state, spiritual purity -- taharah -- must continue to exist among the Jewish people.

After one has presented the connection between the death of the egg and the tumah which is a direct cause of this, it is possible to continue and explain that a miscarriage, G-d forbid, also causes tumah for the same reason already mentioned. A pregnant woman is not tameh as long as she went to the mikveh before conceiving, and she has not bled since then. But the moment the fetus dies, she becomes tameh as a result of its death.

What about the state of tumah of a woman who has given birth? This seems very hard to understand. Everyone is happy -- baruch Hashem there is a new healthy baby in the family. And yet, the mother is still tameh! Why? Here is an interesting explanation: As long as the child was in its mother's womb, the mother had an additional measure of sanctity and purity, due to the presence of a second soul within her. Whereas tumah is connected with death, tahara is connected with life -- as the verse states, "And all who cleave to Hashem your G-d (the source of life), are alive today" (Devarim 4:4), whereas "wicked people, even while alive, are called dead," as our Sages say (Brochos 18b), since they have distanced themselves from holiness and purity, and the true Source of life. The mother's body "enjoys" the additional life within her, and she even grows accustomed to it during the months of her pregnancy. Now, what happens at the moment of birth? The baby leaves the womb and comes out into the world. And it is as if the mother's body is now deprived of its previous companion. This can be compared to the moment of sadness and emptiness we feel when a beloved guest leaves for home. The mother is tameh because she lost a living soul from within her. True this living soul is now a live and independent being, but as far as her body is concerned, there is a feeling of loss. This is one explanation for the tumah of a new mother.

At this point one can explain a halacha which many women have difficulty with. As you know, according to the Torah a woman is in a state of tumah for much longer after giving birth to a girl, than after giving birth to a boy (even though today there is very little practical difference, due to prolonged bleeding which almost all women experience nowadays). Many women, and particularly those of Sephardi origin, are very bitter and resentful about this, since it can mean that she is in a state of tumah for several weeks longer (according to their customs), in addition to it being regarded as a sign of the inferiority of women. I once heard the following explanation: With G-d's help, a little girl will also be a mother one day. Her body has the potential to give birth, and continue to produce future generations. Hence the additional tumah which results from giving birth to a girl, is because the mother has lost more life-potential than if she had given birth to a boy, who does not have the ability to sustain and nourish a living being within him. For this reason a mother is tameh for only a relatively short period after giving birth to a boy. Conversely, when she gives birth to a girl, she loses not only the additional life-force of the girl who is born to her, but also the life-force of all the generations to come. This is comparable to a one-floor building which casts only a short shadow, whereas a ten-floor building casts a far longer shadow.

In my experience, this explanation is usually very well received. The woman is shown a different view-point from her preconceived one, i.e. that she is tameh for a longer period of time because she gave birth to a girl who is inferior to a boy. On the contrary, a girl has been shown to have a distinct advantage -- as being the source of more life-force than a boy.

Now one can continue with another similar thread -- the process of purification and immersion in a mikveh. If tumah is connected with a state of death, it is logical that the purification from tumah is connected with life. And indeed she must immerse herself in water, which sustains life in this world. No living thing can exist without water, whether plants, animals, or human beings. It is well-known that the water content of the body decreases with age, and an older person starts to shrivel. The bones become brittle and wrinkles appear. It is not for nothing then, that the body of a person who died is immersed in a special mikveh before burial. Moreover, this immersion is not in just a regular pool of water, but in living water. Here is a perfect opportunity to explain the basic structure of a mikveh, and how it must be connected with a natural ("nature" -- hateva having the same gematria as Elokim) pool of "living" water. Many women, even those who do go to the mikveh, are unaware of the structure of a mikveh and its spiritual connotations.

To the side of the mikveh (or underneath it, according to Chabad minhag) there is a cistern called an otzar or a bor, which is filled with natural rainwater -- the "living water" mentioned previously. The lady in charge of the mikveh fills the immersion pool with regular water, and it mingles with the water in the bor, and is thus connected to the "living water." If your listener argues that the actual amount of "living water" which enters the immersion pool is only minute, you can point out that even a minute amount of one substance can make a difference to a very large amount of another substance, for example, a small bottle of dye poured into the mikveh would change the color of all the water, even though the amount of dye is relatively minute. It is clear that even a small amount of "living water" can change the nature of the regular water so that the entire pool of water takes on the characteristics of "living water." Certain studies have in fact shown that rainwater has different qualities from regular water, even though their chemical composition is identical. Moreover, it is obvious to all that even though the chemical composition of all water is identical, there is a tremendous difference between distilled water, rainwater, riverwater and seawater. It is clear to anyone who believes in G-d that if He said that this is the way a mikveh must be, there is some special quality about it, even though we don't understand it.

After talking about the special qualities of the mikveh water, one can go on to talk about the immersion itself. Generally, when one washes oneself at home, one stands under a stream of water in the shower, or one sits in a bath of water. But in a mikveh the procedure is to immerse the entire body at once. When a woman toivels herself, at that moment, she is comparable to a fetus which is enveloped by the fluids in its mother's womb. And just as a child is born and begins a new, independent life, so too a woman who emerges from the mikveh after immersing herself in its living waters is as if she is born anew. Again one notes the connection to the theme of life.

There is yet another point which must be stressed. The mikveh is built in a very precise and special way which cannot be imitated in one's own bath, nor in a swimming pool. The water of the mikveh is not discharged into the city sewage system like a regular bath. On the contrary -- if the mikveh has even the smallest crack in its walls or floor out of which water seeps, it is posul -- unfit for immersion. How is the water changed daily? With a special electric pump. Once the mikveh is empty it is cleaned and refilled. Without the above conditions, the mikveh is absolutely invalid. It is important to emphasize that in no way can a bath be a substitute for the mikveh. If, in this generation of soap and deodorant, a woman complains that a mikveh is not hygienic, and it is unpleasant to immerse oneself in water that other women have already been in, you can point out to her that a swimming-pool is far less clean and hygienic than any mikveh. There are far more people who use a swimming pool, in many cases they do not wash themselves at all beforehand, or only cursorily (in contrast to a woman preparing for immersion, who carefully washes every inch of herself before entering the water), and the water is not changed daily (and most probably not even monthly!). You can point out to her that no dirt is allowed in the mikveh water, not even a single hair. If she ever visits public, or even private, swimming pools without being so careful about hygiene, it can be easily be shown that her aversion to immersing in a mikveh is not for reasons of hygiene, but simply an excuse, possibly based on ignorance.

Harchokos

There is another point in the general subject of taharas hamishpacha which I would like to dwell on. This is the subject of harchokos -- the mandatory limits and restraints which our Sages have placed on a husband and wife when she is in niddah. There are many women who do not understand the importance of these restraints. They argue that they are not children, and hence why is it necessary to be so strict during her period of niddah -- after all, isn't the entire aim to avoid transgressing the prohibition of marital relations while the woman is in niddah? What does it matter then how she serves her husband food, or if she passes him something directly, from hand to hand? It appears to them to be foolish and unnecessary, as if they cannot be relied on.

It is clear to the women present, that the general subject of taharas hamishpacha is in the category of a chok for which there is no rational explanation. The reason we keep it is that this is what Hashem commanded. However, in order to "sweeten" this mitzvah for those women who are not yet observant, it is better to explain as much as possible. And as we mentioned before, "From acting with ulterior motives, they will eventually come to act for the sake of Heaven." Nevertheless, "the deed is the main thing."

I once heard two ideas in connection with harchokos which have been well received by women who do not yet observe mitzvos: 1) A woman must understand the difference between men and women. "Stolen water is sweet" (Mishlei 9:17) -- it is a psychological fact that people covet something forbidden, not because of the desirability of the object itself, but because it is forbidden, as every mother knows. During a wife's period of niddah, in general, a man's desire to be with her increases. And since it is a man's nature that the smallest incitement can set him on fire, therefore it is vital that a woman take the greatest care not to do so during her niddah days, because certain movements and actions which generally have no effect on her husband, might incite him davka during her niddah days. In almost all of the restraints and limitations which fall into the category of harchokos, the prominent factor is that they prevent the man from feeling even the movements of his wife's body, and all the more so, her body itself, because even this can arouse him during her niddah period. This also applies to emotional closeness which results from certain specific situations, like placing food in front of him, or drinking from the same cup etc. And what is there to worry about? Not only that they may come to transgress a very serious prohibition, G-d forbid, but also that their mere closeness may cause a weakness or flaw in thought or in deed. A woman must understand that if she is not careful during her niddah days, she may put her husband in a position where he cannot control himself, and she may cause him to transgress in a very serious way. There are many women who are unaware of the seriousness of these matters, and they may innocently cause their husbands to transgress.

2) "Modern" women claim that there is a long way to go between mere touching and serious transgressions. They do not understand why they must be warned about such minor details. One must explain to these "modern" women that unfortunately it has become completely acceptable in the "modern" crowd to express love by physical contact, kissing, hugging, etc., on buses, in the street, and everywhere else. And therefore, for them, these matters do not have very much significance. But Torah and Jewish tradition have a very different attitude to the relationship of Jewish couples -- and it is far healthier, both medically and psychologically. Any expression of closeness between a husband and wife is confined to a private place and an appropriate time. In the religious community, it is not customary to express love through physical contact even in front of members of the family. Intimacy between parents is personal and private, and is kept for special times. Therefore, when people are educated in this way, and they accustom themselves to this life style of self-discipline, it is easy to understand that what has no effect on a liberal woman, might have a tremendous effect on a couple who carefully observe taharas hamishpacha, since their "threshold of stimulation" is far more sensitive. And, for this reason, they need specific limits and restraints. A simple example will illustrate the point. If a child loves a certain type of cake, and her mother allows her to eat it on certain occasions only, such as Shabbos, she will continue to love it, and it will remain special for her. However, if she is allowed to eat a slice of it three times a day, she will soon tire of it and it will no longer have any special significance for her.

It is already late, and I would like to finish with a few words of encouragement. Sometimes we ask ourselves, "is it really possible, in one short conversation, to inspire a woman to change her way of life in matters of intimacy?" It sometimes appears to be a waste of time and energy. The subject is long and complicated, and how much can we manage to do when we go out on mivtzoim? These women are so far away from all this! In answer to these questions, there are a number of perspectives and points of view that will encourage us in such times of despair.

1. Mitzvah gorreret mitzvah -- "One mitzvah brings about another" (Avos 4:2). Even though we may not have inspired the woman to do everything, we are assured that even the smallest improvement that she takes upon herself will give her the opportunity to do another mitzvah as well.

2. In Hilchos Teshuvah (3:4) the Rambam explains: "Therefore, a person must always regard himself as if he is half virtuous, and half wicked. If he does a single mitzvah he tips his own scale, and that of the entire world, to the side of merit..." Therefore, even if we have not succeeded in bringing about a complete revolution in a woman's life, even the smallest act can re-adjust the balance of the entire world to the side of good. Who are we to determine that such and such a deed is something major, whereas such and such a deed is something minor?

3. Despite the black predictions and outlooks of pessimists who quote statistics of intermarriage and assimilation, the Rebbe Shlita has clearly stated that the world is ready to receive Mashiach -- we have only to do the final preparations and Mashiach will already be here. From the viewpoint of the Tzaddik haDor -- the greatest Tzaddik of the generation, who looks at everything through Torah and ruach hakodesh, the world needs only a relatively small number of good deeds, and Mashiach will come. It is not necessary to wait for every Jew who does not observe Torah and mitzvos to do complete teshuvah.

4. In our times, there are hardly any neshamos chadashos, new neshamos which were never in the world before. Almost all the Jews in the world today are reincarnations of previous generations which returned to this world in order to rectify some matter. In many cases, if a person accepts only a single mitzvah upon herself as the result of our hard work, it might be sufficient to complete the single thing for which that neshama came down to this world.

5. It is written that the yetzer hora tries forcefully to prevent a person from doing any important and good thing. When one feels that a certain mitzvah is particularly difficult, it is a clear sign that it is specifically in this area that she must occupy herself. And that's why the yetzer hora is working so hard to prevent her from doing it. Understanding the schemes of this "chochom" will give us added strength to persevere, and not give in to the tricks of the yetzer who tries to prevent us from doing the Rebbe's mivtzoim.

6. To end, perhaps I should quote a few words from the previous Rebbe, the Rebbe Rayatz, nishmoso eden: "It is an established fact that a strenuous effort will never be unsuccessful." If we put in the effort, sooner or later our efforts will bear fruit. We may only begin the process, and other factors are necessary before the person actually changes her way of living. Similarly, "When something comes from your heart, it enters the heart of the other person." If our words do not affect the other person, it could be that the flaw is in us, not in them. Our words probably did not come from the heart, and that is why they had no effect. What is the solution? To say a chapter of Tehillim and a silent prayer every time we go out on mivtzoim that our words will have the proper effect.

May it be Hashem's will that this gathering will strengthen and encourage all of us, and give us strength for mivtzoim. The main aim of this convention is not midrash (conceptual), but ma'aseh (practical). Action is the essential thing -- that we make firm decisions to put these matters into practice, so that the Rebbe can point with pride to N'shei Chabad and say, "See the offspring which I have nurtured," and all the women of Israel, from every stream and group, will go hand in hand to receive Mashiach Tzidkeinu now!