The particular benefits of such discussion follow:

1. There are many details and aspects of one's character traits, or one's soul-garments of action and speech, or one's objectionable habits, that a person himself is unaware of, because his innate self-love conceals these faults. We plainly observe that there are many people who themselves decry the conduct of the prideful and haughty, or of stubborn individuals and liars, without sensing that they themselves suffer from some of these selfsame faults - for[28] "one does not perceive his own shortcomings." However, when he has a close and faithful friend who truly desires his wellbeing, his friend will make him aware of his imperfections.

2. A person's failings cause him much more pain when he speaks about them than they did beforehand. His regret is thus deeper. By regretting his misdeeds and bad habits he uproots his desire for them; the deeper the regret the more utterly does he uproot his desire. Consequently, his rectification [of his past misdeeds and bad habits] is all the more complete. This is the value of verbal confession, which acts as a prodigious rectification for the sinner's soul.

   For when such a subject is verbalized the person feels it more acutely in the depths of his soul, and his remorse and pain find an earnest echo in his innermost heart. We find something similar in the Tanach (Mishlei 12:25): "If there is anxiety in a man's heart, he should minimize it (yashchenah)," concerning which our Sages state [in a play upon this verb], Yesichenah le'acheirim - "He should verbalize it to others" (Yoma 75b), and Rashi explains: "They may be able to advise him."

   We observe from experience that speaking about something painful increases a person's pain, but afterwards he will feel better.

   The same is true too regarding man's Divine service: While one speaks and reveals his flaws he will feel worse about them, but later on he will feel better, for by the very act of articulating his faults he eradicates them to a much more profound extent.

3. When people converse [and reveal their flaws to each other], each of them will propose means of rectifying them, both with regard to repenting for the past, as well as ensuring that such conduct will not be repeated in the future; most importantly, what precautions must be taken to ensure that the rectification of their conduct takes hold. Moreover, resolutions made by two or more people together to mend their ways are much more likely to be binding than those made by separate individuals.

4. The very fact that people come together constitutes an "arousal from below" that reaches the loftiest heights Above [and consequently achieves far greater results than a person can hope to accomplish on his own].

However, all these benefits can only come about when a person possesses bittul and is thus able to unite and coalesce with another; he can then attain positive levels. But when he exists as a yesh he is completely unaware and heedless of his failings; in his own eyes he is perfection itself. Even if he should happen to discover some fault, his yeshus will cause him to find extenuating circumstances to excuse it. He will mask himself in a multitude of veils so that others will not become aware of his true self, and thereby honor him less.

Such a person considers it to be out of the question that he share his faults with another, because in his falsely inflated self-image he cannot imagine that he could receive any benefit from an inferior colleague. So full is he of coarseness and egotism that he feels other individuals to be unworthy of his notice, and it is thus impossible for them to join forces. Hence, in his Torah study he resolves issues solely according to his own understanding, which he insistently holds to be the objective truth, without bothering to give serious and impartial consideration to the opinions of others. Regarding Divine service, too, he grandiosely and arrogantly marches to his own drummer, conducting himself only as he sees fit, cavalierly disparaging his colleague and his manner of spiritual service.

Summary: The particular benefits that accrue from speaking [and revealing one's faults to a friend], and the benefit of individuals' joining together, are blocked by yeshus.

   

Notes:

28. (Back to text) [Shabbos 119a.]