In reply to your letter from the day on which "it was good" was stated twice [in the Torah, the third day of Creation, i.e., Tuesday,] in which you write that you have already been married for many years and you have yet to be blessed with children:
I will mention you and your wife in prayer at a propitious time at the holy resting place of my father-in-law, the Rebbe, of blessed memory.
Quite often the impediment to G-d's blessing for healthy and viable children is the result of a lack of meticulous observance of the laws and regulations of taharas hamishpachah, family purity (niddah, hefsek taharah, immersion in a kosher mikveh, etc.), stemming from a lack of thorough knowledge of all the details of these laws.
Inquire therefore of a practicing Rav about all the detailed laws — with the clear understanding that you are to fully observe them from here on out.
It is self-understood that the above is to be part of your overall conduct on a daily basis in keeping with the directives of our Torah, the Torah of Life, and the performance of its commandments, concerning which the verse states,[92] "You shall live by them." Moreover, you are to increase your observance of them with the passage of time.
After you have strengthened yourself in the above, ask the opinion of a specialist again and follow his instructions.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XXIV, p. 208)
... Conducting oneself on an ongoing basis in accordance to G-d's will is the general conduit and vessel for receiving G-d's blessings — in addition to the fact that the commandments must be performed in any case, since they are G-d's will.
In addition, each and every particular mitzvah is connected with a particular segulah and blessing, and as known, the blessing for healthy and viable children is connected with the observance of the laws and regulations of taharas hamishpachah.
It therefore would be appropriate for the two of you to be extremely meticulous in this matter, particularly since with the passage of time some pertinent details may have been forgotten. It is thus worthwhile for the two of you to review the laws again.
May G-d fulfill your heart's desires for the good, and may you convey glad tidings.
(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XXII, p. 299)
In reply to your letter of the 18th of Sivan [in which you write about your not having been blessed yet with children]:
The impediment to G-d's blessing for healthy and viable children may sometimes be the result of a lack of meticulous observance of the laws and regulations of taharas hamishpachah, family purity (niddah, hefsek taharah, immersion in a kosher mikveh, etc.).
Since a lack of knowledge leads to a lack of observance, inquire therefore of a practicing Rav about all the detailed laws — with the clear understanding that you are to fully observe them from here on out.
All the above is to be done within the context of your daily life being conducted in accordance with the directives of our Torah of Life and the performance of its commandments, concerning which it is stated,[93] "You shall live by them." In addition to the main aspect — that these are G-d's commands — these are also the vehicles through which one receives the blessings that a person needs.
And with regard to Torah and mitzvos, as good as the situation may be, there is always room for improvement, since Torah and mitzvos are connected with G-d, Who is without limit.
(From a letter of the Rebbe, dated 25 Sivan, 5732)
I received your letter about your son who is already married for many years and he and his wife do not yet have children:
First of all, you should ascertain with certainty whether your daughter-in-law conducts herself in the manner of Jewish women with regard to observing family purity. When one observes family purity in the proper manner, G-d blesses the person with healthy children — healthy both physically and spiritually.
It is possible that if until now your daughter-in-law does not yet observe family purity, it is a kindness from G-d that she and her husband do not yet have children, as G-d desires to bless them with children who are healthy both physically and spiritually.
Do not ask why we see that there are those who do not — G-d forbid — observe family purity and they nevertheless have, it would seem, healthy children. It is only because we don't exactly know what is happening with the other person.
Parents are ashamed to relate the pain and the inner suffering and anguish they feel from the injustice they have done their children as a result of their non-observance of family purity, and they seek to conceal this in various ways.
If it were only possible to transmit the fact that most parents experience feelings of inner regret for their not keeping family purity and their children suffering the consequences, it would save much discussion about the vital importance of observing family purity.
I do not want to cause you pain, but as a mother and a wife, you should exert great effort to see to it that your son and his wife — and your other children as well — observe family purity. By doing so, one does not do G-d a favor, rather one does a favor to oneself, by protecting one's children and grandchildren from misfortune, Heaven forfend.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. VII, p. 321)
... At times the impediment to G-d's blessing for healthy and viable children is the result of a lack of scrupulous and meticulous observance of the laws and regulations of
taharas hamishpachah, family purity (
niddah,
hefsek taharah, immersion in a kosher
mikveh, etc.).
Since a lack of [thorough] knowledge [of these laws] leads to their imperfect performance, a practicing Rav should inform the two of you all the detailed laws — with the understanding that you are to observe them from here on out.
It would be proper to check that your tefillin, as well as the mezuzos in your home, are all kosher according to Jewish law.
(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XII, p.178 [94])
... There is the well-known letter of the Alter Rebbe, wherein he writes that diligent and assiduous study of
Chassidus — a study that leads to love and awe [of G-d] — is a
segulah for the birth of sons and daughters.
[95]
Although you write that you have an established study session [in Chassidus] every Thursday night, this clearly does not suffice.
In addition to the distinct certainty that one must study Chassidus every Shabbos, it would also be appropriate for you to establish two or three more study sessions [in Chassidus] during the week as well.
If at all possible, these sessions should be organized in a manner that there will not be a passage of three days without the study of Chassidus. Understandably, all the above is in addition to the study of Tanya, as divided in the Study Guide (Moreh Shiur) according to the days of the year.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. V, p. 185)
... You can explain to her that her sacred work of disseminating
Chassidus acts as a
segulah for the birth of children, as is to be understood from the letters of the Alter Rebbe printed in
Meah Shearim[96] and in
Ginzei Nistaros[97] as well as in other locations.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XIV, p. 340)
... There is the known and already printed letter of the Alter Rebbe where he writes that occupying oneself in studying those matters that lead to love and awe of G-d, i.e., the study of
Chassidus, is a
segulah to having children.
You should therefore set up a lesson in Chassidus with one of your neighbors at least three times a week (i.e., that three days not go by without the study of Chassidus). Understandably, one of these three days should be Shabbos; the study on weekdays can be whichever days are most convenient, [provided, as stated above, that three days do not go by without the study of Chassidus].
No doubt your wife tichye observes the good custom of Jewish daughters of giving tzedakah to the charity of R. Meir Baal HaNes prior to candle lighting erev Shabbos and erev Yom Tov. Tell her that she is to scrupulously observe [the law of] covering her hair.
I hope that the two of you will abide by the above so that you will soon be able to convey to me the glad tidings that your wife has conceived....
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. VI, p. 60)
In reply to your letter [in which you write about] your sister who has been married for many years and has yet to be blessed with children:
I wonder why you did not mention whether they have consulted with fertility experts; if they have not as yet done so, they should do so now.
This is in keeping with the directive of our Sages, of blessed memory, who in commenting on the verse,[98] "and he shall be healed," state: "From here we learn that the Torah gave the healer the ability [and power] to heal."[99]
However, a Jew's physical and spiritual welfare are inextricably bound together, as Jews are "one nation on earth,"[100] and in the language of the Alter Rebbe:[101] "This means that even in mundane ['earthly'] matters they will not be separated from G-d's true unity [and oneness]."
Therefore, they are to increase their performance of Torah and mitzvos and strengthen their faith and trust in G-d, the Creator and Conductor of the entire world, Who watches over them with individual Divine providence with regard to all the above.
In a case such as the above, it would also be appropriate for them to ascertain whether their shidduch with each other did not wound the pride of any Jewish young man or woman to the extent that it necessitates asking their forgiveness. [If they do have to ask forgiveness, they can do so] either in the presence of the aggrieved party or, [if this is not possible,] in the aggrieved party's absence.
They should also check that the husband's tefillin, as well as the mezuzos in their home, are all kosher according to Jewish law. Also, the wife should observe the custom of Jewish women of giving tzedakah prior to lighting candles every erev Shabbos and every erev Yom Tov.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XVIII, p. 32)
... I would suggest that you be careful to observe the three daily lessons that apply equally to all. They are: the daily portion of
Tehillim (as divided by the days of the month) after your morning daily prayers;
Chumash, the daily section of the weekly Torah portion together with the commentary of
Rashi — on Sunday, from the beginning of the Torah portion till
Sheni, on Monday from
Sheni to
Shelishi, and so on; and
Tanya, as divided by the days of the year.
Diligently and assiduously study pnimiyus haTorah, Chassidus, the study of which leads to love and awe [of G-d], the spiritual counterpart of a [physical] son and daughter and which is a segulah for the birth of children, as the Alter Rebbe writes (in the letter printed in Meah Shearim).[102]
Before your wife lights candles prior to Shabbos and the Festivals, she should give tzedakah to the charity of R. Meir Baal HaNes.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. V, p. 23)
... It pleased me to read that you and your wife have taken upon yourself an increase in your donations to
tzedakah as well as an increase in other matters of good conduct — doing so in a manner of
bli neder — about which I had written to you.
[103]
Regarding that which you have written, that you checked the mezuzos and tefillin and you found them to be kosher: Have them checked again by an expert scribe — and it would be best if the scribe himself were to write to me about the condition in which he found them, for I believe that there is something to be apprehensive about; possibly it is in the housing [of the tefillin]. Ask the scribe who does the checking to personally write to me about this, as I mentioned above.
As to your concluding statement in your letter, "What is to be my reward?"
Your reward consists of increasing your efforts in drawing Jewish men and women closer to Divine service — specifically doing so in a manner of affection and love of fellow Jews. Surely, with ample effort you will find the means of accomplishing this.
It would also be most beneficial if from time to time you had guests eating at your home, as the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim, hospitality to guests, is a particular segulah to bring about the birth of children. ...
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. VIII, p. 261)
Some time ago I received your and your wife's heartfelt request to be blessed with healthy and viable children. When I will be at the
tziyun (the sacred resting place) of my father-in-law, the Rebbe, of blessed memory, I will mention you in prayer for the fulfillment of your request.
There is the known letter of the Alter Rebbe in which he writes that love and awe of G-d are termed spiritual sons and daughters — as expounded on at length in this letter, printed at the conclusion of Siddur Meah Shearim. Consequently, you are to take upon yourself an additional measure of the study of Toras HaChassidus.
Understandably, you are to follow the instructions of the doctors, since all matters are to be accomplished as well via natural means.
Before your wife lights candles prior to Shabbos and the Festivals, she should give some coins to tzedakah, and you should recheck your tefillin and mezuzos. It would also be appropriate for you to ascertain whether in your shidduch you did not inadvertently wound the pride of any Jewish young man or woman.
May G-d bless you with success so that you are able to convey the glad tidings that your wife has conceived.
Surely — in keeping with the directive of my father-in-law, the Rebbe — your wife will not publicize her pregnancy to her relatives until she enters her fifth month. With the word "publicize" I mean merely those stated above; however, as is understandable, she can notify you, her obstetrician, etc. ...
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. VIII, p. 193)
It pleased me to receive your telegram in which you inform me that your wife gave birth to a baby girl.
Mazel Tov.
I am happy to see how you and your wife have been rewarded for your occupying yourselves in the field of Jewish education, drawing Jewish sons and daughters closer to their Father in Heaven, for "Teaching Torah to the child of one's friend is considered as if one had given birth to the child." From this it is understood that acting in this manner is a segulah for the birth of sons and daughters.
May G-d will it that with the passage of time there will also be fulfilled by you [the saying of our Sages]: "A daughter's being born first is a good sign that sons [will follow]."
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. VII, p. 16)
In reply to your letter of the 11th of Adar Sheni in which you write that you are .... You ask that I pray for the fulfillment of your and your wife's heartfelt request to be blessed with healthy and viable children:
As per your request, when I will be at the holy resting place of my father-in-law, the Rebbe, of blessed memory, I will mention you in prayer for the fulfillment of the above.
I surely need not make you aware of the well-known statement of our Sages, of blessed memory, that G-d conducts Himself [and rewards the individual] in a manner of "measure for measure."
Since by act of Divine providence you have a communal position that has a large degree of influence over the inhabitants of your city, you should use this opportunity to the greatest possible extent to draw Jewish sons and daughters closer to their Father in Heaven, since at times — for any number of reasons — they forget that they are G-d's children.
Your efforts in returning them and drawing closer those who are distant and remote — and certainly when you do so in all sincerity and with the requisite amount of energy, your success is assured — will result in your ability to be strongly confident, that in a manner of "measure for measure" G-d — the Essence of Goodness — will give you nachas by providing you with healthy and viable children, and the ability to raise them as well to Torah, the marriage canopy, and good deeds.
There is also the known directive of the Torah that one is to employ natural means with regard to all matters. You and your wife should therefore visit a fertility specialist and ask his advice about what the two of you should do in a natural manner to be blessed with children.
It would be advisable to check the mezuzos in your home as well as your tefillin to assure their being kosher. Also, on Mondays and Thursdays, you and your wife should give several coins to tzedakah for an institution that educates children on the foundations of Torah and mitzvos. Your wife should do this as well prior to her lighting candles before every Shabbos and Yom Tov.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. VIII, p. 282)
... Among the
segulos to receive G-d's blessing for children is the meticulous observance of the laws and regulations of
taharas hamishpachah, family purity (
niddah,
hefsek taharah, immersion in a kosher
mikveh, etc.).
Since with the passage of time one may well forget some details of Jewish laws — in this instance, the laws of taharas hamishpachah — it would be worthwhile to review all the necessary laws.
(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XXXVII, p. 190 [104])
In reply to your undated letter in which you describe the terrible tragedy that befell you — may such a thing never reoccur to you or to anyone else — and that you have yet to be blessed with male children:
You should clearly ascertain whether your shidduch with each other did not wound the pride of any Jewish young man or woman, by which I mean that neither of you promised his or her hand in marriage to anyone else. Also, [ascertain that] you are keeping the laws and regulations of family purity in a manner that is consonant with the directives of our Torah, the Torah of Life.
If wounding the pride of any Jewish young man or woman did occur, you are to ask their personal forgiveness; [if this is not possible,] then do so before a minyan of Jews.
If your observance of family purity was flawed, understandably the first thing you are to do is sincerely regret the past and firmly resolve that in the future you will be as scrupulous as necessary in this matter. And G-d, Who sees man's heart, seeing that you have truly decided to conduct yourselves in this regard in an appropriate manner and Who will forgive any past iniquities, will surely gladden your hearts by fulfilling your heartfelt requests for the good.
In any event, you should check your tefillin as well as the mezuzos in your home to assure that they are kosher according to Jewish law.
May it be G-d's will that you convey glad tidings with regard to the above.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XIV, p. 340)
In reply to your letter of the 23rd of Iyar in which you ask my advice concerning your brother Mr. ... who has yet to be blessed with male children:
You should find out from them whether their shidduch with each other did not wound the pride of any Jewish young man or woman. Also find out from your brother whether his wife properly observes kisui harosh, covering her hair. There is the well-known statement of the Zohar (III, p. 126a) that the reward a woman receives for tznius (modesty), particularly kisui harosh, is that of "being blessed with spiritual and material blessings — with wealth, children and grandchildren."
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. VII, p. 259)
... In keeping with the statement that G-d's form of remuneration for a good deed is "measure for measure, but many times more so," it follows that since "Teaching Torah to the child of one's friend is considered as if one had given birth to the child," this [aspect of "Teaching Torah to the child of one's friend"] is a noteworthy
segulah for having children.
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XV, p. 389)
With regard to conceiving a child:
Making aliyah from the Diaspora to Eretz Yisrael is a segulah for this matter.[105]
(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XXII, p. 299)
Notes:
- (Back to text) Vayikra 18:5.
- (Back to text) Vayikra 18:5.
- (Back to text) From a letter of the Rebbe, dated erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan, 5734.
- (Back to text) As explained in Tanya, ch. 3, the emotional faculties of love and awe (fear) of G-d are the male and female "offspring" of the "parent" intellective faculties of Chochmah and Binah. Producing spiritual offspring is thus a segulah for producing physical offspring.
- (Back to text) Part II, 32a.
- (Back to text) Part III, Section I.
- (Back to text) Shemos 21:19.
- (Back to text) Berachos 60a.
- (Back to text) Shmuel II 7:23.
- (Back to text) Iggeres HaKodesh, Epistle IX.
- (Back to text) Part II, 32a.
- (Back to text) It would seem from this letter that this was done in an effort to be blessed with children.
- (Back to text) From a letter of the Rebbe, dated 4 Adar I, 5746.
- (Back to text) In many instances the Rebbe would advise childless couples to go to Eretz Yisrael for a short period of time.
Medical Tests and Techniques